Every year its the same thing.

I do this to myself every year, and every year I know its stupid and a waste of money, and time, and effort. Its one night for cryin' out loud and we go to our friend's house and don't even actually do the real trick-or-treating thing, but I still do it. I rack my brain and shop online costumes stores over and over again to find the PERFECT costume for my little angels. I want a theme thing. This year I'm begging my kids to go as Charlie Brown, Sally, Linus and Lucy. So far, I have Charlie, a bee, a four year old who wants to be invisible, and an almost 8 year old who wants to be a bee. It frustrates me! Can't we all just have fun doing what mommy wants? I don't want to spend a million dollars on costumes, then again, I surf the net for hours finding one that  is too cute, and BAM, its theirs. ::Headdesk:: I check out from the store $175 poorer with a stomach ache that is bound to last for over a month due to the obscene amount of candy and lack of cash.

Here's my thinking. Its ONE night! We dress our kids up in adorable costumes and send them out to beg candy off of the neighbors. We encourage them to go eat the crap we take away from them half the time because they're going to end up puking in your car, or on their bedroom floor from all the chocolate, and lack of sleep, and crying that comes with all the sugar and excitement. They love it, and I must too or I would seriously ditch the costumes and go buy a bag of candy bars at the store, let them eat till they puke in their normal clothes and get over it, but I can't!

I'm going to continue pretending that Halloween makes me crazy when, in all honesty, I like to dress my kids up and make myself half-psychotic for the sake of the Hershey company. How else am I going to stock my freezer full of stolen chocolate? Don't tell the kids, but once they crash from all the sugar in their systems, Daddy and I do our own trick-or-treating out of their treat bags and steal all the good stuff. I despise cheap chocolate so all that gross stuff is theirs, but the Snickers and Butterfingers and Baby Ruths are confiscated and hidden well in the bottom of the deep freeze. After all, I paid through the nose to get those costumes! Ya, you were adorable kids, nice work tonight kids. Off to bed with you, and make sure to hit the trash can if you feel like you're going to puke.

So far, we have a Halloween on the trails planned with our friends complete with candy, music, pumpkins, bon fires, hot dogs, soda and beer. We'll spend two nights trick-or-treating so we can hit up the grandparents for the good stuff and get an extra night's use out of an over-priced but darling Bee costume. I need more! I need extravagance and excessive partying and costume usage! I need Martha Stewart Halloween perfection here people!

So here's the plan. I am declaring it Halloween all month long. From the day I get home from my brother's wedding in NOLA, I'm on the Halloween train. Its going to be horrendous crafts and cookies and witches brew. I'm going to pay the neighbors off to provide candy at my every whim. We're wearing costumes to the grocery, to church, to swim team practice, to bed if we have to! We're going to eat chocolate until we hate it. (Actually not a bad idea if that were even possible.) Its witches brew for dinner instead of soup. Bat wings instead of tortillas. Hit me here people. Be my Martha! What's your best Halloween idea for a month of fun?

Funked on Friday.

I'm all funky and I feel kinda blah, so I'm going to simply wish you all a Funkified Friday. Go on with your bad self!

The 7th Little Man

My oldest daughter will be eight in a week and half. As with all kids and parents that time has flown past. I can't believe how grown up she is looking and how sweet and wonderful and dramatic a little girl can be all at the same time. Its a far cry from her unsettled hysterical days of colic when she was an infant. (We're talking 11 months of non-stop crying here people.) She is easy to please, independent and insanely imaginative. She has always been my sleeper, even in her hideous first year, I could count on her to sleep. She often gets the short end of the stick with her older and younger siblings, but she is my darling girl and I had to brag on her for a few minutes.

Now, like everyone, Miss almost 8 has her quirks. She hates eggs - bad news, we raise chickens. She can go from giggling to sobbing in 2.2 seconds and she loves little things. This is the girl who specifically requested Squinkies for her birthday. She plays with all things tiny and always has. She loves tiny dolls, tiny fish, tiny rocks, tiny flowers, tiny bugs, tiny earrings, and tiny little pieces of paper. But, her favorite thing, toy, friend is Little Fellar. You are about to meet the seventh member of the Devito family.

That's him in the blue and yellow scuba suit. Little Fellar came to live with us when Miss almost 8 was only two or three years old. We had a swim day at Nanna and Poppy's house and he was there. I'm not positive where he came from, but I think he may have arrived by boat with an actual living, breathing friend. He stayed for the summer and moved in with us that Fall. The doll house was immediately flushed of the Happy Family that lived there and Little Fellar became a permanent resident. He redecorated, and became part of the family.

Little Fellar has survived on a steady diet of shredded paper and love. He takes semi-regular baths in the sink, the shower, the bath tub and occasionally, when he's lucky, the swimming pool. His boat remains docked in the toy box on deck, but since his upgrade to the Happy Family mansion, he has little use for the Marine Expedition boat and studying sharks. He spends his days arguing with his mom about her apparent lack of housekeeping skills and chilling with his babysitter. He's actually starting to make me wonder what kind of dramatic play / underlying message Miss almost 8 is sending out.

About 3 years ago, Little Fellar disappeared. I was in hysterics tearing the house apart over and over again trying to figure out where the hell a plastic scuba man could be hiding in a house full of tub, after tub of toys. Miss 7/8, not so much. She was completely calm and told me that he had moved in with his grandma, and that he would be back around Christmas time. Now wait a minute... Little Fellar was probably made in China by a factory specializing in lead based paints and free child labor. I'm almost sure he was from a Dollar General or Wal Mart and was discontinued after one season due to lack of general public interest. Where on God's Green Earth was I going to find another Little Fellar for Christmas?!

That began the Christmas scramble to beat all scrambles. I shopped eBay, Dollar Stores, Amazon, Toys R Us, Vintage toy sites, discontinued toy sites, everywhere to find that damn Little Fellar and he was gone! Not to mention that her Little Fellar was missing a hand due to her chewing and loving on him. This was Def Com Santa Emergency! How was I going to survive the family breakdown when that damn Scuba man didn't show up for Christmas?. I tried the rational parenting thing where I say, are you sure you don't know where he might be? *Check the house for the 123,988,050,924 th time* She again, nonchalantly reassured me that his mom was a vicious hag of a mom and that he was fine with his grandma. "He'll be here for Christmas! I already told you!" ::Headdesk::

What the #^%@ was I going to do? I racked my brain for days, weeks to figure out where that stupid little toy could have been dropped or shoved with no luck. Finally, I had a stroke of either sheer genius or madness. I found the Marine Expedition, grabbed my magnifying glass and looked up the toy manufacturer in Hong Kong. Thank God for Google and email. I emailed some darling woman all the way around the world and plead my case for her to scour their warehouse for a final Fellar, or even the plastic mold to make just one more. By this time it was after Thanksgiving and I was willing to saw off my arm to get that stupid piece of plastic back in my house!

I waited almost three days checking my email a good ten times a day to see if anyone from that toy company had responded, knowing that the likelihood of them even knowing what I was asking for was slim. This was a shot in the dark if I had EVER taken one. Finally, one evening before bed, I got an email from some angel from China who had found the last little scuba man in the entire freaking warehouse, on the entire freaking planet!! God bless this woman. If I could have jumped on a plane to China, I would have glomped her to death. I told her I would pay whatever she wanted, but that I needed it by Christmas. She emailed again and just said, Merry Christmas to your daughter. It arrived THE NEXT MORNING!!  Holy Baby Jesus, its a Christmas Miracle!!!

I giggled and danced and kissed that Little Fellar on his teeny tiny mouth. I made that little man a Santa Hat, and on Christmas morning he was waiting on the empty plate along with a note from Santa Clause himself.

So, here I am, cameras flashing and rolling staring at my daughter waiting for tears of joy and excitement unbounded. She turns and looks at her dad and me and says, "I told you he'd be back." *Growl, red face, sob.* I wanted to scream but I was too baffled. She just picked him up, looked at him and said. Hey, he got a new hat and it looks like the elves even fixed his hand. He was back and she was happy. (And about a week after Christmas, I found the original Fellar trying to capture a pirate ship in the basement. It figures that he would try to move up after his time in the mansion.)

And so he lives on in his mansion. He celebrates his birthday twice a year, sometimes more. Still consumes a stead diet of confetti. He is fading a bit for her, but if there is ever a time that he disappears, the entire house goes on red alert because after four years he is the seventh little man in our family. I suppose I should be concerned that she still considers him her best friend, but I'm not because, I'll be honest, I love him too. He makes her eyes light up and he is hysterically funny. At least according to her. Her friends at school know him and he's just Evi's favorite toy but to us, he's so much more. 

Field Trips are the Devil!

There isn't enough coffee in the tri-state area to help me right now. Willy Woody or whatever that guy's name was may have killed because he was over caffeinated but I see it just the opposite. I NEED coffee, an IV drip would be nice because I spent my morning with Mr. 4, his buddy, and Miss 2 at the zoo. The weather cooperated - you know, not too hot, not too cold, no rain, no blazing sun, all that good stuff. The kids were adorable and funny and they RAN the entire zoo stopping only briefly to examine the animals. If it wouldn't have been for the multiple rocks in shoes or shoes falling off, we would have been in and out in record time. Seriously, you've never done the Fort Wayne Children's Zoo until you've done it with two preschool age boys and a toddler who wants to push her own stroller with only two and a half cups of coffee in your system. Giggling between gasping breaths was all I could do to hold my sanity together. You can't help it when a kid yells, "DUDE! Lets go find the giant skunks!" Umm. Dude, you're four and they're sloths or lemurs or something like that.  (Just looked - its a black and white Colobus Monkey

     

So, we ripped through one of the top 10 Children's zoos in the country in a little less than two hours, most of our energy focused on running, the words "dude" and "man" entirely focused and on the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I also listened to all the ways and how we can blast the animals with our lasers and face punch them with our big giant claws. Boys are a crazy, crazy life forms that baffle me. They had fun, they had peanut butter and I got my butt kicked by their insane amount of energy. Poor Miss 2 barely made it to the car van without passing out. 

The zoo does this to me every time. Its a nice idea, I like the idea of packing up the kiddos and toting them happily over to learn all about science and nature and all that stuff, but it doesn't work that way. They want to see the chickens and the ducks and the birds that we have at home. They don't give a flying Fig Newton about the good stuff like the lions or the kangaroos. Its all about the running and the chickens. Add to the fact that when you go to the zoo on a field trip, its you, your kid(s) and someone else's kid so when your kid decides to start chucking hickory nuts at an angry alligator, you can't rip their little arm back and let them have it for being nasty because you have other little people there. Whats worse, when little Bobby from the class decides to RUN full out, and falls down bloodying his knee, you can't say, I told you to stop running! Your patience has to be unending and your tongue on lock down. You have to be RESPONSIBLE, and pay attention and act interested and there is NO WAY you can bribe your kids with a cheeseburger to leave early.

And then, then there is always the monkeys or the giraffes or the cows or whatever that have to go on their sexcapades right when the over-questioning little eyes lock on. Hey Gavin's mom, what is that monkey doing that for?  ::headdesk::

Ok, so field trips kick my ass. Every time. No matter where. Even if they aren't with my kids and I'm not on them, they bring up this overwhelming panic and anxiety that I can't even begin to tolerate. Whether its a gaggle of high schoolers at the Shedd Aquarium or a group of preschoolers at a fire station, I start to itch and twitch and gasp for air, and immediately look for an easy exit. I have explained this to Mr. 10 and he will be forced to understand why I will NOT be going on the forth grade field trip to southern Indiana to sleep on a gym floor with a bunch of other forth grade students. I'd rather be hung from the gym rafters than endure one, a bus ride to Southern Indiana with eighty forth graders, their parents and no control, and two live in a field trip nightmare for more than four hours, let alone day, night and another day. Absolutely NOT!

Book Worm

I should warn you that when I like a book, I read it over and over and over again. There are some books that I swear I've read ten times so when I tell you that I like a book, I mean I REALLY like it. I did this post once before and my computer ate the entire thing. Here it is, a list of the books that I can remember loving throughout my entire life. Some of them are out of print so you might have to eBay and beg and thrift store and whatever but it will be totally worth it!

My Friend, Jasper Jones - This was actually my brother's favorite book so when he had his first baby, I gave it to him for a present. I should have kept it. Its about this little boy who does all kinds of ornery stuff and blames it on his imaginary friend then finally gets busted by his parents. I love it and always wanted an imaginary friend but I never had one. :-(

THE GROWN-UP DAY by Jack Kent (1969 Hardcover 32 pages Parents Magazine Press) - I can remember my mom reading this to me when I was little. I always hated it when they pinned that little bear to the clothes line after he fell out of the box boat. I had some weird thing about my stuffed animals and dolls and being really careful with them. Miss 7 has it now. She can't get rid of them because it makes her sad. I get it Evi, I really do.

The Little Match Girl - WARNING: This book will make you cry! My first grade teacher read it to us and I thought about it for years before I stumbled across it again. I read it to my kids and they cried. I cried. Its horribly sad, and happy, and classic at same time.

Little House on the Prairie Boxed Set - I read them all in second grade and I used to watch the TV show every night right after The Brady Bunch. I used to want Mr. Edwards to come to my house and be Santa for me, and I ALWAYS wanted it to snow all the way up to my roof. Good stuff here people.

The House Without a Christmas Tree - Jump to fifth grade now. My teacher read this too us and, again, tear jerker. What is it with my childhood and teary books? This is one that you can watch on DVD too. It must have been made for a TV movie or something. All I know is that there is a kid and I can't remember if its a boy or a girl but they don't have a Christmas tree and someone brings them one and its all happy and good.

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever - Every Christmas. No matter what!

Are you catching on that I'm a Christmas *Not Winter* kind of girl and that I've been a mush ball for my entire life??

My Brother Sam Is Dead (Apple Signature) - Dead Revolutionary War soldier/brother = sad again. But good!

I think it was around fifth grade or sixth where I hit the frivolous stage of junior high, high school and now. I still love my mush, but my reading list wasn't so damned emo anymore... unless you count Twilight which has me by the brain.

Sweet Valley Twins/Boxed Set No 1 and Sweet Valley High Boxed Set 1-4 I read these books over and over and over. They were sort of that junior romance novel thing. You know the kinds of books where you are just starting to know that boys are good stuff but you're still shy and sweet? Maybe people don't have that stage anymore... I don't know, but I loved them when I was 10-12 years old.

No Greater Love - Fast forward to high school and Danielle Steel smut. This was one of the first I remember reading and since I'm sort of a History nut and the whole Titanic thing, it just worked. There was also that one about the kidnapping but I don't remember what it was called, so its not making the list.

You can thank my dad for introducing me to Carl Hiassen.  These mysteries are hilarious and cover South Florida from a newspaper writer's perspective but with the perfection of fiction which is my genre. Fiction over fact; always! Tourist Season Basket Case Sick Puppy Native Tongue  Here are four of my favorites. Try them out, see what you think.

Now the Nora Roberts list. I have so many here because I love her stuff. I call it stuff because, lets be honest, there isn't a lot of educational value, but damn, its good stuff. Its love, and magic, and adventure, and suspense, and mystery, and fantasy and all the stuff that sucks me right in. Here's a list of links for you.

Sign of Seven Trilogy Box Set - Three boys who are "blood brothers" fighting together to rid a town of its demon possession that tries to over-take it every seven years. Trust me on this one. Is a page turner.

Heaven and Earth (Three Sisters Island Trilogy)Dance upon the Air (Three Sisters Island Trilogy)Face the Fire: Three Sisters Island Trilogy #3 - Three women who are magical "sisters" fighting evils from their pasts and their futures.

Jewels of the Sun: The Gallaghers of Ardmore Trilogy (Irish Trilogy, Book 1)Tears of the Moon (Irish Trilogy, Book 2)Heart of the Sea (Irish Trilogy, Book 3) - A family running a centuries old pub in Ireland finds magic and love with the help of an American transplant and the Faerie prince. *This series is my FAVORITE!!*

The Chesapeake Bay Complete Trilogy Box Set (Chesapeake Bay) - OK,maybe this one is my favorite. Its the closest to my heart anyway. This series is the story of three adopted foster kids who help each other grow up into responsible men and raise a forth child who challenges them to deal with their pasts.

And finally, FINALLY, The Twilight Saga Collection  and Harry Potter Paperback Boxed Set (Books 1-7) (Paperback) I will NOT try to explain these two collections to you because I am going to assume that you have either 1. Read them almost as many times as I have, or 2. Are going to click the links, order and catch up already.

I know this isn't my typical kind of post but sometimes everyone needs a reading list. These are my over and over books. Trust me.

Be Afraid. Be VERY Afraid!

Make sure you scramble on over to Ramblings of a Texas Housewife to check out my latest post. Happy Tuesday everyone! 

*Sniffle, PANIC*

LOST: Sanity Keeper, fun little playtime accessory, my happy place. If found, please return to the frazzled mommy, PRONTO!

My ipod is often times my best friend. I depend on that little thing to keep me sane because music seeps in and out of my brain all day long. It links up to most everything I do and I CAN'T FIND IT!  I had it when I went to the grocery yesterday. I remember getting it out of the car *sigh* van and carrying it inside with two bags of groceries, a pumpkin spice latte and two eggs. After that, nothing. I'm 94.5% sure I laid it on the kitchen counter and from there.... nothing. Its gone. 

Last night I rolled out of bed, unable to sleep, grabbed Miss Mugsy and headed back out to the chicken coop to retrace my steps from yesterday. It was the dog, a flashlight, and me looking for this ipod like it was my lost toddler. Where are you baby? Come back! I need you! *sobs*. 

So then I start thinking again about every place I've been and where it could be. You know that do the same thing over and over and over again thing. Back to the kitchen, back to the laundry room, back to the car van again and again and again. Maybe if I check the same place enough times it will magically appear. Please GOD let it magically appear!  I've been through the fridge, the laundry piles, the freezer, the medicine cabinet, the den, the bathroom, the garage, the barn, the chicken coop for cryin' out loud. So help me if those damned chickens stole my ipod, they are dinner tonight! (Sorry PETA...) 

So, if you are wondering where to find me today, I'll be somewhere between a sobbing fetal positioned mess curled up in the back of my closet to a frantically searching, cleaning whirlwind looking in the same place for the 100th time for her dearly beloved attachment.

Come back little one! I NEED you!!

      

Off Duty

Its true. I never used to be late or have a weekly or bi-weekly nervous breakdown. I had the laundry done in a day or two at the most, clean carpets and a kitchen floor that wasn't sticky and brown in spots. My kitchen floor makes me gag on a daily basis, and you know what, it doesn't do a damn bit of good for me to clean it up because someone is going to throw their cup on the floor, or drop watermelon, or puke or pee or.... 

I woke up this morning to a garage full of leftover garage sale stuff that needed to be cleaned up, a kitchen that resembled my husband's apartment from college (I really wish I had a picture of that.), at least five loads of laundry, dirty carpets, and screaming kids. This is a sure fire-way to have a bad day kids. Take note, waking mommy up early on a Sunday for juice and then having me immediately step on one of the freaking toys you left on the floor is not going to play out nicely for you. Stand back and let me go back to bed.

Have I mentioned that I quit my job? I'm sure I have. I'm glad I quit my job. I'm happy I quit my job, even if I am broke, and honestly, I like being home with my kids, but I am NOT a mom that wants to play toys on the floor or entertain their darling little faces everyday. I don't do Little People Pretend, I do adult pretend - think Harry Potter and Twilight and any other kind of good fantasy story you can come up with. Run along kiddos, why don't you go outside and play hide-and-go-seek with the chickens. They like to play a lot more than mommy does. Oh hey, if they start to fly at your face, QUICK cover your eyes! They'll back down, you're bigger than most of them.

Chicken peek-a-boo time is over. OK, lets do lunch. I know, you want Squipetty Os and Gwilled Cheese and Chwokwat Milk. I've got it. 

DAMN! Don't dump the milk into your Spaghetti Os! 

No, there isn't anymore! 

Why would you do that? 

GAH! NO!! DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!!! 

I just mopped the floor, please, please, please don't drop.... the food on the floor. ::headdesk, wipe up the floor again.:: 

Ok, you're done, get down and go play for an hour and then its nap time. 

This is when they go to the sandbox and dump sand in their hair and down their pants. Don't ask me what it is about toddlers and sandy butt cracks, but they like them. Its weird. This is my time to scrape the food off the table and the floor and prepare for round three, which is after school snack time. After dragging the screaming machines in from the yard, wiping the dirt and sand and snot off of them, and getting them down for what seems like a painfully short nap, I get a little time to pull my head together. That's THIS time. Its when I blog and play and shower and wish to God I could nap.

2:40. The bus is here and so are the older kids. This means socks, shoes, bags, dirt, snacks, and screaming. Oh look, nap time is over. Are you freaking kidding me? They JUST laid down. 

Cant you just stay outside? 

Why does school get out at 2:30 anyway? What happened to 3:30? Shhh!! Wait, I need more than just 45 minutes of peace! I'm selfish like that. I like my alone time!! Please, HAVE MERCY!!

  Oh, and I don't want to clean up the same damn mess four times in an hour please!!

Pick up your own crap or I swear on all that is holy I'm throwing all of these toys in the trash!!

 Do NOT eat outside of the kitchen and I swear to GOD that if you decide to dump that bag of popcorn on my carpet you're going to lick it up!

 What the hell is wrong with you? ...

Oh wait, How was school? Did you have a good day?

And then, just when I think I'm about ready to slit my wrists, Mr. 4 says, "Mommy will you pwease come snuggle wiff me. I wuv you." Fabulous, now I feel like a total piece of crap. Of course I'll snuggle him and watch Phineus and Ferb and eat cookies. Then Miss 7 tells me she made me a picture, and Mr. 10 tells me he aced his Spelling test and Miss Two giggles and tries to lick the dog. Life is good again... and then its 4:30.

There is something about 4:30 that makes children grouchy, mess, and it w(h)ine time!! WoooHooo for wine time!! They whine, I wine and dinner rolls around somewhere around 7:00 with half frenzied kids and one semi-relaxed but on edge mama. It works for us. While I cook, they do their homework, fight over the TV, shower and get some more things out. Round four clean up! *ding ding* Only another hour and a half and its that magical time of day. The time that makes moms and dads everywhere giggle in delight.

 Bedtime and quiet time! I can remember a line in Hook that used to mortify me and when I think about my kids hearing it, it still makes my heart break. Something about Capt. Hook telling Peter Pan's kids that their parents just wanted their kids to go to bed so they could have some peace and quiet and be done with the Me, Me, Me, Mine, Mine, Mine, I want a cookie, I want a .... something. Its true. After 13 hours, please just GOT TO BED!

You know you're in need of quiet time when you look forward to MRIs because it is "quiet time."  I fail! I think I'm a future hermit or recluse. 

Question of the day: Whats your favorite time of the day or alone time thing to do?