I Don't Wanna

I don't wanna talk about today.


I don't wanna remember that paralyzing fear.
.....or how blue the sky was
.....or how I was going to buy candy corn for a kindergarten class full of blissfully unaware kids who are now driving or in high school
.....or how I held my little Ryan and couldn't think of where he would be safe.
.....or how I was suddenly afraid of the dark like I was five again.
.....or how quiet the night sky is when there isn't a plane to be found.
.....or what it was like to watch grown men jumping from sky scrapers
     ..... or cry during the news
     ..... or try to re-enlist in the Army
     ..... or run out to buy flags...or guns...or roses...
     ..... or give blood... or money...or time


I don't wanna remember what it was like before the towers fell.


I don't wanna explain to my kids how different it is when they don't know any differently.


Before there were reasons to spread 'em at the airport.
..... or security level threats
..... or bullet proof doors between pilots and passengers
..... or when we looked at Muslim men, woman, and children as people that were different than us, but not a threat to us. 
..... or when you could go to lunch in Canada or Mexico and come home for dinner without a passport.
..... or when we felt safe travelling.


I don't wanna forget either. I couldn't if I tried.